You remember too much…
Why hold onto all that?
And I said,
where can I put it down?
It is a heavy load
that doesn’t seem to lighten over time
Though I’ve tried burning it, burying it,
and boxing it away
how do I tell you how I got here without getting trapped in the past?
I am alive only by accident
I’ve tried and failed to end the anguish
to end me
more than once
Failure has been a constant companion
in this land of sadness and shadow
I find myself again,
I am no shadow.
Though there is a shadow
starting at my feet.
I’ve stitched it on
like Wendy did for Peter
under the seams runs the pain
Stolen Lines honoring these fabulous poets:
–Richard Siken “How do I tell you how I got here without getting trapped in the past?”
–Anne Carson “You remember too much, my mother said to me recently. Why hold onto all that? And I said, Where can I put it down?” And “Under the seams runs the pain.”
–Sylvia Plath “After all I am alive only by accident.” And “I find myself again. I am no shadow Though there is a shadow starting from my feet.”
For a brief moment, she stared into his eyes, a piercing Robin’s egg blue even in the dim streetlight. She wondered how it was she found herself holding a switchblade against this man’s jugular vein. Jillian knew there was no time to hesitate and so she made one quick, deep cut.
She wasn’t a violent person but she did what she had to do under pressure. After all if one of them was going to die, today was not her day. She still couldn’t believe she had been so careless as to let this man come so close to doing her harm. Yes, he had appeared gaunt and homeless, but she knew better than to discount anyone. She had stopped to give him a couple dollars and then walked on without giving any thought to him behind her. Never gave any thought that he might want rob her or that he might be compelled by lower, baser needs. His looks had thrown her off but he had proven much more spry and strong than she could have imagined. Before she knew what was happening he had grabbed her from behind, his arms surrounding her. She had instinctively stomped on his foot and jerked her head back to bash him in the nose. That had allowed her to get free for a moment but before she could run away he was back on her overpowering her. He was hitting her and ripping at her clothes, making his intentions all too clear. He hadn’t given up… and Jillian knew now that he was bigger and stronger than her. As she felt him against her flesh she knew that a weapon was her only chance and so she had pulled the knife from her pocket. Her friend’s voice echoed in her head “Don’t brandish your knife; only pull it if you intend to use it.”
Now that he was no longer a threat she pulled her tattered clothes around herself and her phone from her pocket and called 911.
I had my fill of lazy afternoons
of forbidden fruit
plucked off the poisoned vine
I listened to the devil softly croon
sending shivers down my spine
I lost my innocence too soon
like a milk tooth
in sweet persimmon wine
I’ll dig your grave with teaspoons
as your half truths
reblog from 2014
picture from pixabay
take my hand
dance with me
in the tall green grass
let the fresh air fill your lungs
let us dance & sing among the flowers
as we used to
in that other eternity
let us dance & sing & laugh
the sun will not judge us
nor the trees
for though we are not young
we are still living
image from pixabay
you are merely mortal…
Irreverent & ordinary
you are only cut off from the divine
by your own doing.
Emerge into nature and watch the sweet spring rains bring forth life.
Be one with the flowers as they reach out to accept the sun’s offer of warmth and love.
Breathe in the heavenly ambrosia that surrounds you.
Listen to the insects hum and birds sing their transcendent tunes.
Feel the wind leave a thousand kisses upon your skin.
Step outside with open eyes and open heart
and experience the divine provided you.
I feel misplaced,
somehow other than;
an alien out of space and time.
You say I’m unusual.
Many have said far worse
and far be it from me to disagree.
I rest my head against the bed
it’s far too heavy and it might just snap my neck in two.
I tug at my skin until it is red
it’s feels too tight, I guess I shoulda let it drip dry this time.
But don’t you worry none…
I’m sure it’s not contagious.
Leaving home was the only way to
Extract herself/ still sane
From an environment
That was Toxic to her soul
Broken promises/ broken heart/ and all but broken bones
Endless cycle of abuse/ like a clothes dryer tumbling /with no kill switch
Hostage to their anger/ drowning /in a sea of their ignorance & spite
Innocence stolen/ self-esteem broken in half/ with a snap
No more/ she has left it all behind/ She is learning to love herself/ She is
Done with them!
Reblog from 2013
image from pixabay
“I’d trade my last breath for you, for your happiness.”
It was the ninth lie he’d told me today
and I was still on my second cup of coffee
But I wasn’t mad
not at him
He probably even believed it himself
at least in the moment
He always meant well
and his sweet lies
had replaced the sugar and cream
in my coffee