She had long suspected that love wasn’t in the cards for her. She had even begun to accept her solitary lot in life. Now she had confirmation via a Tarot card reading by a trusted and respected friend.
“Well, this is just the icing on the cake.” she thought. It was just what she needed and she vowed to put thoughts of romantic love behind her and focus on other happinesses.
One could still have dreams.
One could still have passions.
“..and I still have love in my life, don’t I?” she softly asked the purring cat in her arms.
Are you awake??
Have anything to say?
Have anything worth sharing?
Have anything you hold near and/or dear to you?
Why are you
Living a generic life?
Marinating in mediocrity?
Determined to be distant?
Are you asleep??
Are you lost ?
Wake up before you float away into nothingness.
The ways of love are tricky to ascertain
and I’ve wasted too many years trying to wrap my head around things I can never understand.
I keep chasing happiness but find myself stumbling,
hanging over the edge, trying to cling to those fleeting moments that bubble up as laughter,
ascend and float away.
My new found hope melts as cotton candy on tongue
and once again death is so close I can feel it’s breath on the back of my neck.
Words have a way of burrowing under my skin and I descend again into despair
as I am reminded of all that I am not…
all that I should have been.
The pain is to just too real to pack away with past grievances.
Too real to disregard.
I’m a loser,
but not in the way that you think.
I’m a loser insomuch as I cannot win.
So today is the 12th day of NAPoWriMo 2020! I said i would write a poem each day for the moth of April….and I missed the last couple days. So I decided I could keep beating myself up and call myself a failure and just give it up OR I could play catch up…which is what I’m going to do! So here is my poem for day 10:
“I’m okay,” I say to you
as much as to myself
and neither of us believes it
as my voice is rough from tears
but “you’re alive and that’s a good thing” is your gentle reassurance
and that will have to do for now
things have been better
but boy have they been worse
things are different or is it me who is different?
either way we always get through it somehow
who was it that said, “the more things change the more they stay the same?”
casting her pride aside
she straddled his waist
plunging her blade into him
in one fluid motion
she quickly pryed his ribs apart
to expose his still beating heart
with her energy waning
and no time to waste
she ripped the meat off
in great greedy chunks
with her teeth
social distancing had left her hungry
she was so thankful he had agreed to meet
Everyone breathed easier at the first signs of spring. But Charly knew that it would make little difference. Yes, the winter had been brutal but it was the least of their problems. It was not the weather that kept her up at night. The cold they could endure but what would they do when they were found? More importantly how far could she go, what would SHE do?
She had leased this place under a fictitious name but she knew that would only slow the inevitable. True evil would soon be a Charly’s gate and she had to be ready for it. There was no one else to fight for them. Her life was in her own hands. Everywhere she went she kept an eye out for his distinctive gait. She knew it was unlikely he would approach her in public, it wasn’t his style, but even so she was diligent.
If it were only her life she might give up, stop running cause he was always one step behind them. She could feel his breath on her neck. But Charly couldn’t relax, couldn’t let down her guard because it wasn’t just her life on the line and as long as she was alive she swore she would never let him lay one finger on her babies.
Charly fueled up on coffee in preparation for another sleepless night. With a heavy sigh, she settled into the chair in front of her kid’s room that she had placed facing the one and only door. The weight of the shotgun across her lap was reassuring.
1-800-799-7233 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) Highly-trained advocates are available 24/7/365 to talk confidentially with anyone experiencing domestic violence, seeking resources or information, or questioning unhealthy aspects of their relationship.
“Screw you, lover boy.”
I’ve said it in my head so many times
You break my heart each midnight
& come to mend it again each noon
I’m so sick of the same old song and dance
and you have been given chance after chance
but you refuse to learn a different tune
Now I’ve lost the will and the desire to fight
See, you’ve tied me up and hung yourself
with the very same length of rope
I’m finally standing up for myself
“Forgive you?” This time, it’s a nope!
“Screw you, lover boy.”
You’ve finally crossed my lines