What’s love got to do with it? Tina Turner asks…
“I’m not a smart man but I know what love is.” says Forest Gump.
Well I don’t.
What is love? It has a different definition for each of us…if it exists at all.
I don’t know what love is.
BUT I know what it isn’t.
Love is not about power.
Love is not control.
Love is not abuse.
Belittling someone is not love.
Controlling someone is not love.
Beating someone is not love.
If my father loved me he wouldn’t have abused me- verbally, emotionally, physically or sexually.
If my brother, cousins, uncle loved me they wouldn’t have touched me in that way.
If my grandparents loved me they would have taken me out of the situation or done something to help.
If my mother loved me she wouldn’t have made me feel less than. She wouldn’t have encouraged my brother’s abuses. She wouldn’t have been jealous of my father’s attention.
I could go on and on there are many more examples…but let’s fast forward to adult relationships.
Just a couple examples:
If “D” loved me he wouldn’t have chipped away at what little self-esteem I had. He wouldn’t have asked me why I deprived him from being with “hot” girls. He wouldn’t have literally spat in my face.
If “N” loved me he wouldn’t have told me how wonderful I was, how fun and creative and passionate I was but then break up with me cause it was time he settled down and he “didn’t want his kids to have a fat mom.”
You know what else love isn’t?
Love is not losing yourself in someone else.
It is not about sacrifice. It is all well and good to do things for the ones you love AND you shouldn’t have to do so at the expense of yourself.
Love should not be based on fear.
Love should not hurt.