Tag Archives: Dear Abby

I have one those faces…

I have one those faces….

the completely approachable kind…

you know what I mean

one of those faces that invite people to spill their guts.

One of those faces that attract weirdos like moths to a flame.

It has always been this way.

I’m the “Dear Abby” that people come to for advice.

I’m the one strangers ask for directions.

I’m the person, while clearly not wearing the uniform am always thought to work wherever I am shopping.

“Ma’am what aisle has the Soy Sauce?”

“Excuse me can you get something off this top shelf for me?”

I have friends that can attest to this.

No matter where I am, someone is going to approach me.

I have so many stories that cause my friends to shake their heads knowingly and say, “Only you!”

But it is not me.

I assure you.

It just happens to me.

No, I’m not playing the victim.

In this area of my life I seem to have no control.

Case in point. Picture it: St. Petersburg, 2013, a Thursday, Dr’s office. A girl sits in the waiting room. That girl was me.

Mind you, I was only there accompanying a friend who didn’t want to be alone.

So she and I sit to wait for her name to be called.  From my left, it starts. These are just the highlights:

Commenting on someone else’s tattoo mind you…“Tasty, oh how interesting do you think she tastes things, is she a taste tester?  I always wondered who landed those cushy jobs.  Does she get to taste ice cream and coffee and stuff?”  

“I really don’t know…I think it means she is tasty,” I say with a slight blush.

“Ohhhh…I think I know what you mean…naughty!”

“So why is it I’m the only man in here?” 

“Well, I’d guess that would be because this is a an Obstetrician and Gynecologist’s office.”

“Oh, thats why they are all pregnant!” “So how far along are you?”

“Oh…I’m not pregnant…just here with a friend”

“Come on….when are you due?” 

“Really, I am not pregnant…just fat.” (uncomfortable smile)

“Well I never had kids, I knew I would be a horrible dad.” “My friends had me house sit and water their plants while they were on vacation and I couldn’t even keep those alive.”

“Then I guess it is good you never had any children.”

“Married 23 years and no kids…wanna know the secret to a long, happy marriage?”

“Sure”

“We don’t live together!  I live down the street from her and we talk on the phone every day and see each other a couple of times a week.  Other than that she gets annoyed with me.”

“I see….that is an interesting arrangement…”

“Is it ok if I put my hand on your belly to feel the baby kick?”

“Again, sir…I am not pregnant…”

And finally his wife steps in with, “Why don’t you stop talking that girl’s ear off.”

~Melanie Blackwell

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