Tag Archives: black
Originally posted in 2013. Poem with Audio 🙂
Wintering this body.
I wear my seperateness
like a shield from fantasy
and the fear of cold.
I know by now
one santa claus
who comes with a strange,
black gift for each of us.
I know love is real
but a fugitive from law.
That freedom’s breath is raw
and the world we think round
is shapeless after all.
~ Melanie Blackwell
she left the men and the trail behind long ago
yet she continued her frantic pace
across the desolate plain
narrowly avoiding jagged chunks of dead rock
that threatened her footing
she was starving for water
as was the terrain
there was no green to be seen
as she ran she kept her eyes on the high tops of the redwoods
hoping they meant water was nearby
the air she was inhaling in great, greedy gulps
was burning and drying her mouth and nostrils
surely the dark ones were no longer following
but she couldn’t risk stopping
she staggered on even after
the sharp brittle fingers of dead, black bushes
slashed and scarred her face and legs
she slipped and stumbled, floundering for footing
a great dread possessed her as she tumbled
over the snarled edge of the ridge
all her weary eyes could make out was darkness
and then came the searing pain
no one wants to hear
keep it to yourself
don’t air our dirty laundry
what would the neighbors think?
we are all big boys and girls
crying is for babies
or in the dark of night all by yourself
some truth might just slip out
we wouldn’t want that
now, would we?
Did she ask for it?
was her skirt too short?
her top too tight?
did her eyes say yes, while she said no?
was it her fault because she had the nerve to be at that party?
or out alone?
Did she ask for it?
Did it make you feel like a big man?
to take what wasn’t yours?
to use fear and control and body parts as weapons?
Did she ask for it?
Did she want her life forever altered?
or was it You?
do you see it?
you gotta kinda squint your eyes
and let go
let the focus slide a little off
and look with your soul
with the wide red eyes of your heart
do you see?
do you SEE?
i dreamt of you and that is the scary part
it’s not just that you’re you and you’re beautiful
it’s that you are so aptly suited to me
like i couldn’t have built you better
sometimes, oh, sometimes i think i am so STUPID —
so stupid to let myself get into this mess
but i’ve been living it for so long i don’t know what else to do or how else to be
sometimes, oh sometimes, i wonder
yes, it is to You, but i won’t let you read this
because it doesn’t mean anything
and you don’t need to know
it’s all been to someone
all of it
it’s always been aimed somewhere
just happens to be you — this time
which is to say —
it’s the most real thing in the world
but in the end
it is less about you
and more about me
because when you’re gone
i will still have my words
me and my Words
a match made somewhere on the rim of hell
oh, and i don’t even know what i’m blathering about anymore
it’s all gotten lost in the translation from thought to tongue to paper
it is all lost
if I keep this up I’m gonna say something I can’t take back
going to confess some terrible rhyme
one of these days you’ll take your hair down and it will kill me
i don’t know how to explain but i have this THING for hair
for long dark hair on long white men
it’s something older than time and a memory in my cells
some THING that makes my soul ache
i am ample distraction
if i sit here long enough
maybe i’ll sprout roots
maybe i’ll grow on you
(sounds like a threat to me — better run!)
(better do it, now –or else)
when you opened the door did you expect to find me?
do you know what you are looking at?
do you know me and will you hear my name?
i don’t ask or offer because i don’t want to be turned down
even gracious objection is wounding enough on its own
without the killing pain of outright refusal
but — you KNOW, now you know, i told you and you still talk to me like i’m a human being —
that is something
something i wouldn’t have had the guts for a year ago
do you ever wonder at the tide of time?
do you wonder as the candy-man plinks coins off the links in my spine?
not like that, not like it was but as it will be
future imperfect, the residual of years of languages —
oh the things
you might have been
i couldn’t let it be a secret, not this time, you’re too you for me to have suffered in silence
where is this going?
is it at an end —
i don’t know
how to end
i never have
that’s my curse
and gift i guess
this mobius strip of endless dithering
i think i must
for my date
*an old journal entry unearthed
The following was inspired by this lovely photo from Laurie W. Smith who was kind enough to let me post it here 🙂
The bliss of fig
embraces, nutrients tap
from its host for its own good
The curse of fig
nooses, chokes and wraps
killing the host where it stood
The kiss of fig
seduces root and sap
trapping the ghost in wood
spent walking quietly
in the darkness
enjoying the comforting solitude
the night affords
but this night
some thing prowls
haunt and growl
shivers careen down my spine
in the black
imagining a stampede
of horns and teeth
of maggots swarming beneath skin
some thing grabs hold
from my unwilling throat
I break in two
sins run red
mutiply my body into darkness