prove it

in 1985

in Jackson, Mississippi

in a shit brown ’69 Buick

in the driveway of my grandparent’s home

we sat silently

each for our own reasons

 

my mom sat in the front passenger’s seat waiting

clinging to the bouquet of flowers that somehow made it all ok

baby sister sat in the back seat beside me

quiet for once but only cause she didn’t know what was going on

dad sat seething in the driver’s seat

waiting for me to break the silence

to respond to their seemingly simple announcement and a question

They were getting back together

we were moving back home

and all he wanted to know was, “Isn’t that great, Melanie?”

They didn’t expect my shock, my hesitation

They didn’t know my horror or my ultimate resignation

that the brief respite had ended, as i should have know it would

when he repeated his question with that edge in his voice

I quickly mumbled “yeah”

but the damage had been done

“Don’t you love our daddy, girl?”

“Yes sir.”

“I don’t believe you, guess you’re gonna have to prove it.”

~Melanie Thomason

 

14 Comments

Filed under Poetry

14 responses to “prove it

  1. Nightmare. I’m so sorry.

  2. This is somewhat menacing. Sent a shiver down my spine.

  3. Ohhh noooo–I shudder, and my heart breaks. Your story must be phenomenal. I’m a survivor too, and other than blog poetry, I can’t seem to write the story… Blessings to you ❤

    • Thanks for reading and yes lots of stories to tell. It is difficult but I think it is so important for us to share our truths.

      • If you have any suggestions as to how I might get started, I’d appreciate hearing from you. I’m about to turn 65, and still dragging around the chains of a wounded past. I’m sick of it. Maybe I should read your book, which sounds amazing.

        • WELL…of course i think you should read my book(s)…but I am biased, LOL.
          As far as getting started that is a toughie. The only thing i can really tell you is to just do it. Just write it it doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to be in sequential order…just get it out. You can edit later.

          As to dragging that crap around…Here is one suggestion, something that helped me long ago:
          Note this doesn’t have be done all in one day… but do it in as few days as possible.
          1-Buy some pretty stationary. (Not not book paper. This and writing as opposed to typing will make this more real/cathartic.)
          2- Sit down a write letters to anyone in your past who has harmed/abused you in any way. (Don’t worry you will not be mailing these. So do not edit yourself. Write it all out any and everything. What happened, who you feel about it, how it has effected your life, etc.)
          3- Write yourself a letter. Be honest. Whatever this needs to be just let the pen/pencil on paper tell you what you need to hear,this could be taking responsibility for your role in certain things or forgiving yourself or even simply giving yourself permission to move on.
          4- Take 3 sheets of stationary and write one positive thing about yourself on each one! (I think this may be the hardest step for me)

          I know lots of work but its worth it…almost done!
          5- READ the letters from steps 2 and 3, (you may be surprised at what you wrote)
          6- Now BURN them!!!! Seriously! Burn them and release the shit. Let it go up in smoke and into the universe. I know it seems silly but do it anyway. Do this however feels right….I had a little bonfire outside.
          7- Seal each page from step 4 into envelopes and address them to yourself. Now actually get them mailed to you! It might seem a waste of stamp bit it is not. You are worth it and when you get them in the mail treat them like letters from your closest friend. Read them and take them to heart. You can drop them at the post office or you can hand them off to close friends and ask them to mail them to you.

          Hope this helps (and all makes sense) Let me know if you have any questions and IF/When you do his!

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