I waded into the brisk blue water
despite of
or because of
my inability to swim
sun-swept memories
prove too sparse to rely on
for warmth
and I’ve been cold
too long
so I kept walking
slowly
until my toes no longer touched
the ocean floor
finding my body
if not my spirit
buoyant
i continued
to inch further into
the deep
thoughts of drowning
entered my mind
yet did nothing
to deter my progress
I turned to see the shore
far behind me
the beach speckled
with what i assume
were once people
if I went under
no one could reach me
growing tired, I waited
for one last sunset
and as the sun met the ocean
I stopped all movement
willing my existence to pass
I closed my eyes
as i felt the water
closing in
over my head
waiting for the searing pain
that comes from breathing saline
yet
suddenly I was floating
the ocean had spat me back out
it seems even Death didn’t want me
~Melanie Blackwell
Wordifull 
Such emptiness and acceptance. It just wasn’t time.
No, no it wasn’t.
Such dark melancholy….your words effectively communicate despair
It was a dark time. Thanks for reading Susie.
Brilliantly written! Your short lines reflect the agony of despair very effectively, and you have captured the essence of depression well – that moment wasfocus becomes both skewed and yet intensely focussed,
Thank you so much, Chris. I appreciate your prescence here.
Death does not want you … Yet…. This is good!!
Not yet 😉 Thank you!
This is an amazing piece of writing. I can feel your sadness and pain.
Thank you.
I know how that feels. Wanting it to all end.
Beautiful piece.
🙂
Thank you and I can’t help but feel sorry that it is relatable. Glad however you got past it.
A great piece Melanie, sometimes you can’t die no matter how hard you try.
I know right?! Timing and circumstance…
It’s all in the timing. 🙂
“and as the sun met the ocean
I stopped all movement
willing my existence to pass”
I understand this moment and your words convey it powerfully.
Thanks Bianca. I knew, sadly, that you would relate to that moment, that wish. Yet we both made it through and are better for it.
Yes, we are. Power to is x
May I end your poem with my thought:
Because Life wanted you more………………..
I love you!
Thank you 🙂 Love you too!
Such a powerful statement Melanie, absolutely love this, I can see it all very vivid – wonderful images you’ve described! I was just wondering – were the people on the shore also rejected by the sea or had they not been so lucky?
It reminds me of a story (real story) my Dad used to tell about the day he nearly walked into the sea to drown himself. It was over the death of my 3 year old sister – he wasn’t coping well. But something made him change his mind, so glad he did, otherwise I would never have known him – I wasn’t yet born. The strange thing is in connection to your poem, my sister’s name was Meleen, but my Mum wanted to call her Melanie. Hope that doesn’t spook you, but it just struck me – one of those rather strange things in life! 🙂 Meleen, by the way was a combination of Melanie and Maureen.
I’m so glad this spoke to you and I really appreciate you taking the time to leave such a personal comment. This was actually based on a true story, like your dad, I once wished to end my pain by drowning. They people on the shore were merely that just too far away to be of any help or see clearly.
I’m glad your dad was equally unsuccessful so that you had him in your life 🙂
Meleen is a beautiful name, one I’ve never heard. Thank you so much for sharing.
I thought perhaps this was written from your personal experience, it struck me as very real, but I didn’t like to pry. I did once get so ill in my early 20’s I no longer cared if I lived or not, it’s a different kind of giving up I know, but it’s the closest I got to letting go of life. It turned out to be a good thing though, took away a lot of fear. It’s shocking how our circumstances and our minds can colour our worlds view in completely opposite ways!
Well done Melanie for sharing this painful experience, and for being a survivor who can write so freely about the pain. There should be awards for that! 🙂
Thank you, again. I really appreciate your kind words.
I can’t help thinking what lesson is to be learnt from the world revolving against the desired bad luck and I guess there is no perfect answer here. One will see the reason to start over, someone else – a proof of no achievements at all.
And most of all I believe your poems somehow choose the right moment for me. When floating, how does one step aside and give way?
I love that thought, how lovely…that my poems choose the right moment. I’m so glad they find you just when you need them.
When floating sometimes one just has to float.
sometimes we need to know that complete surrender, to know why we should take that next breath. a very sad but life affirming poem Melanie.
i’ve been there a time or two myself, you’ve captured the feeling well.
Thank you. Yes you sometimes have to give up before you can stand up.