Hope (Acrostic) Take 2

~Made a slight revision based on some wonderful feedback.  What do you think?  Do you like Version 1 or 2 better?

4f951a281ea3c

Holding on to

One dream one

Promise to be

Eternally despair free

~Melanie Blackwell

Written  for acrostic lesson #1 from http://typewriterworkshop.wordpress.com
 
 

14 Comments

Filed under 25 Words or Less, Blogging Community, Poetry

14 responses to “Hope (Acrostic) Take 2

  1. leooras

    Like both. If I must make a choice version 1.

  2. Eeny meenie minee moe…this one. No the other one. No this one. Both. Neither. No the first one.

  3. from your lips to God’s ears

  4. mooggeek

    I like this one better. The “exempt” in the first one make me think about doing taxes.

  5. Definitely #1. “Exempt from despair” is a great line. It works on many levels.

  6. bgbowers

    Definitely prefer #1 – Personally, I think that good poetry can be tested by reading it out loud. If the words flow, and roll effortlessly off your tongue, then it passes.
    The words “eternally despair free” sounds clumsy when said out loud. It just doesn’t flow. Whereas, “exempt from despair” flows, reads and sounds beautiful.
    I vote #1 🙂
    P.S: who gave you that advice??

    • You make vote 4 for #1.
      Thanks for reading and commenting!
      As far as the advice…i heard from a couple people that “exempt” didn’t feel right with the rest of the piece.
      No one told me to use eternally despair free… 🙂

  7. F.G.M.

    Very nice! Thanks for sharing. Kind regards from France FGM

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